It sucks when there's no one to give you a hug, or a kiss on the forehead, and whisper in your ears that everything is going to be alright because they're there. It sucks when no one understands, when everything you do no matter how right you are, you're always wrong. It sucks when they say they listen but they actually don't because they really don't and at one point they'll just forget you. It sucks when no one is there to hold your hand when you fall, keep you warm when you're cold, the world is so unfair. It gives me a family that I don't belong, it gives me shelter that is as harsh as living without it, it meets me with people that I care and love but takes them away and make them leave. Yes, I am that sick and sad person. To bad all I have as a family is loneliness and nobody. As much as I would love to have Finah with me, she can't, she don't want to, or at least not now as she claimed, as much as I would like to have Hariz understand me, he don't and he can't, because he never felt like how I do. And yes, they are both the only important people in my life, because they are closer to me than my own family. But so close yet so far.

In this situation, having this kinda life, I just wish I can be ignorant or something. Maybe like Abed Nadir in the TV series Community, acted by Danny Pudi. If only I can shut my mouth and be quiet, you know, be somewhat mysterious or some sort like it, like the dark Bruce Wayne of Batman, or Snake Eyes in G.I. Joe, who has vowed not to speak a word.

Dad, I hate you too, don't worry the feeling is mutual I know. FUCK YOU DAD !!! You made my life miserable you fucker. Fuck, this fucking blog is to be continued