Random

I really hate it when this happens, every single time. I feel like I've been duped every time somebody tells me something. Seriously, why am I surrounded with these kind of people. They don't like being treated that way but then they do it to others. If really karma exist or if really what goes around comes around, then why in the world does my good deeds get repaid with bad ones? What did I ever do(so darn bad and evil) to have people treating me this way? Shouldn't good and kind act be repaid with another act of kindness? Well I guess it really doesn't pay to be kind. I'm aware that I'm imperfect, flawed, makes mistakes but I'm only human. Boisterous and handful I can be but I never do serious damage to someone. My kindness and gentleness towards people whom I care for are always taken for granted. I'm always wrong, blamed or looked upon as the bad apple in every situation, no matter if I'm in the wrong or not. I do not like to blame others or see them get too upset from doing a mistake. I forgive people a lot but to see them taking advantage or take their mistake lightly, sometimes not even admitting they're at fault just pisses me off. If you've made a mistake, did someone wrong, made somebody upset or something, the least that can be done is apologize and make up for what you did wrong. Don't just leave it be like it didn't happen or worse, be angry at that person for being upset just 'cause you did something wrong. Hello, you're the one who's in the wrong.

So that is just how people around me are especially my dad. Never care about how I feel. It's always about them. I have to care for their feelings, they do something wrong, I have to be the one making them feel good, I have to be the punching bag, I have to be the one clearing their "good" conscious. Then who's gonna care about me, about how I feel, nobody right. I guessed so too. Never has anyone did that for me. When I'm down they'll make it seem as though my reasons to be sad or upset are petty and so little. Nobody really cared, but if it's them, they'll make it seem like it's the end of the world no matter how small the problem is. Nobody has time for me, they'll give me all sorts of reasons. But if it's them, they'll say I don't care, I don't have a heart, I give excuses, but they never realize how they made me wait, made me believe that they'll change, all bunch of lies.

I waited out in the rain, waiting patiently, happy moments play in my mind, hoping they'll ever love me, but they never did, because they never turn up whenever I'm most prepared. Like usual, my plans won't even have the chance to take off, my hard efforts will always end up in the drain or some garbage bins, my surprises will always be to myself. Worse still, they'll make it seem they're innocent, acting as if it's alright. How can I ever be appreciated if they never see my efforts, my sweat, I put my heart in everything I do but when they throw away all that I've done, they threw away my heart too, the best part is, they don't realize it. Sigh. Whatever I do, whoever I do it for, however I do it, no one will ever know.