The Reason I Loved...

There's this someone, there has always been. I once had, and then one day I lost. That fateful day was pain, dull and grey. What made it so painful because that someone is someone I love and had feelings for deeply. That love, was unconditional and real, so real that the lost was really felt. It was devastating. I tried my best, gather all the courage I had to compose myself and salvaged every bits and pieces I could but everything just fell apart. My world turned upside down. I didn't know what went wrong or the reason to be. Everywhere I turned, everything I do just doesn't seem right.

Everyday, I miss that old feeling, that old place doing that old things. I sit down at places we would sit together in the past, reminiscing everything, her laugh, her smile, her blush, her hair flowing down her shoulders. I admire her in silence every second I'm with her. I love the way she looks at me staring at her and she'd blush. I miss the way she'd chase me for annoying her. She laughs at my jokes even when they're not funny. I miss hugging her after every fight. I love her more because I can be myself when I'm with her.

She was a friend, my heart, my sky, my sunshine after my rains. I didn't hate her flaws and negativity but I understood them, it was her flaws that made her who she is, the person I loved. Everything we do, every step we took meant a lot to me. They were lights to my path in my dark little world. Every small things she did was big enough to make me fall in love again every single day. She made me want to wake up the next day so I can enjoy the same thing everyday.

Then I made a mistake, many I would say. I was never good with words, not a good sweet talker too. The things I say started to hurt her, my other problems start to mix with our small lovely world. My flaws and my personal problems start to affect the world we've been building together, the world that was almost perfect. I saw it crumble to my feet because of me. I never meant for her to get hurt, I never meant for my dirty dark life to hurt her. Everything took a turn for the worse, and now I'm left alone still holding on to that very same reason I fell in love with her. That single love. But I can't bring her back, I can't turn back neither can I move on. My only hopes and wishes, wants and prayers is for her to be happy wherever she is.

I can never really tell her enough or show her how I really feel. I seem to have lost my happiness, my cheerfulness.